The Anatomy of Sex
by Her Name Is Erika
Summary: In which the boys sit down and get candid - stripper poles, handcuffs and fetishes? Oh my.


**A/N: I can't sleep until I finish this oneshot. Enjoy. And I've got my motivation and feel like I can write forever. Thanks for giving me that. You guys know who you are :) This oneshot is a tad different. And yeah, I'm adding Dustin in here too. Everyone's a little older here. Zoey and her friends are about 25, and Dustin is at age 22. **

**Remember to wipe the steam of your monitors when you're finished.**

**Disclaimer: No. And I don't own the song "Birthday Sex" which was my inspiration. **

* * *

**1. ALRIGHT GUYS. INTRODUCE YOURSELVES.**

"What? You live under a rock or something? You don't know who _I_ am?" he sighs, and rolls his eyes. "Logan Reese. Remember that."

**.**

"Uh," an impish, boyish smile crosses his features and he gives a short wave. "Hi. Chase Matthews."

**.**

"James Garrett," the blonde man says with a smile as he props his leg on his knee.

**.**

"Hey. Vince Blake, here."

**.**

"Hi!" he's overly enthusiastic and grins ear-to-ear. "It's your boy, Michael Barrett. Thanks for having me."

**.**

"Hey," he's shifting slightly, brushing the dirty blonde bangs out of his face. "I'm Dustin Brooks."

* * *

**2. STATE YOUR PARTNERS. **

"I've been married to Quinn for nearly three years," Logan answers, deadpan expression on his face. "Did you not read _People_? They did a whole freakin' spread on the wedding, y'know. Ugh."

(We stated to Mr. Reese that we were aware of this.)

"Then why the hell would you even ask?!"

**.**

"Well, Zoey and I got married last summer," Chase explains with a proud smile and points to the silver wedding band around his ring finger.

**.**

"Oh," James smiles fondly and shakes his head. "I'm not married yet. But I plan on asking my beautiful girlfriend, Rebecca, to marry me," he bites his bottom lip. "Like right now if that's cool."

(Of course it is. And we relayed the message. Rebecca has accepted.)

"Really?!" James blinks, his blue eyes sparkling but then regains some of his composure. "Awesome. So, I guess, I'm engaged now."

**.**

"Ah," Vince smiles, settling into the chair. "No marriage yet. We're taking our time and I'm very happy with Lola right now. She's my number one fan."

(Congratulations on Lola winning an Oscar this year.)

"Thanks," he nods, pride radiating off of him. "I'm so proud of my baby."

**.**

"I'm happily married to my high school sweetheart, Lisa, for six months. And counting."

**.**

Dustin shrugs, "I'm dating Amanda Mendoza. I met her in college. Actually, we just moved in together recently."

(You do realize your sister's just finding out about this now, right?)

"Oh," he answers, eyebrows furrowing. "Well, now you know, Zoe. She knows."

* * *

**3. WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARTNER EXCITES YOU?**

"Everything. And the fact that she sorta surprises me, so it's never boring," Logan smirks and winks, licking his bottom lip suggestively. "I like that."

**.**

"She's got an amazing head on her shoulders. And I love her for that and much more. I'm married to my best friend, what can I say?"

**.**

"The fact that Rebecca is so different from me. I'm from a reserved family in New Mexico and she's so fiery, outspoken and honest from Boston. We're opposites and we just click, know what I mean?" James explains and shrugs. "And we got matching tattoos too. I wouldn't have gotten it if I didn't love her, and I do. I love the tattoo too."

(We proceeded to question him about the location of the tattoos.)

"Hers is on her hip. And mine is on my shoulder blade," James answers honestly with a coy smile. "Hers has my initials and three little black stars, and mine's just a simple, purple cursive _R_. Purple's one of her favourite colours."

**.**

Vince smiles, "That hot Latina temper for sure. That's what excites me. Lola's already hot but when we're fighting, I'm kind of turned on by it. Honest to God."

**.**

"Her dancing for sure," Michael grins. "And her personality. She's so sweet and gentle. But I love watching her dance. She, like, has this _way_ of rotating her hips. Damn, that's sexy."

**.**

Nonchalant, Dustin nods, "I'm going to have to side with Vince on this one because I know what he's talking about with that temper," his face takes on a thoughtful look. "And piercings. I find those hot. What can I say? I like my girls rebellious and badass. Amanda definitely fit that package nicely," Dustin smiles, eyes twinkling. "I'm odd that way."

* * *

**4. ANY FETISHES?**

"Hair, boobs, ass and her legs go on forever. I mean, her mom's a yoga instructor so that's a pretty damn good bonus. All that flexibility my woman has," Logan smiles proudly, almost smirking. "Especially when I grope her ass when she's not expecting it. That's fun for me, even though sometimes she won't admit it. But she usually does."

**.**

Chase blushes, "I don't know if this counts as a fetish, but I absolutely love when she smells like grapes and light bubblegum and then she walks right by me. She smells like that all the time. I get," he pauses, flushing a slightly deeper shade of red. " – kinda horny."

**.**

"Tattoos," James admits, with a sigh and a slight smile. "I find those attractive and sexy. Obviously."

**.**

"Feet. When I met Lola, we were in a yoga class. First thing I noticed was how adorable her feet were. And the rest of her is just as sexy," the footballer says, seriously.

(We proceeded to actually confirm this with Lola. It's true.)

"See? I have a foot fetish."

**.**

"I love it when Lisa gives me massages. Her hands are," Michael sighs, smiling and looks off into the distance. "- magical. And the fact that there's a stripper pole in the middle of our master bedroom just helps the whole sexy issue."

(Really? There's a stripper's pole in the middle of your master bedroom?)

"Yeah," the comedian confirms. "It was my birthday present. Solid gold."

**.**

"I already said this," Dustin replies. "Piercings. Those really turn me on."

* * *

**5. OKAY, NOW WE'RE GOING TO A LITTLE DEEPER WITH THE TOPIC OF SEX. **

"Finally!" Logan cries, his attention caught. "Hey, I'm down with that."

**.**

Chase does nothing but blanche to a paler shade and nervously rubs the back of his neck.

**.**

James raises an eyebrow, "Okay?"

**.**

Vince shrugs, "I guess, if you have to."

**.**

"Hmm, really?" Michael questions. "Wait, how deep are we going?"

**.**

"Go for it," Dustin prompts.

* * *

**6. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT S&M? **

"Weak," Logan replies, with a guffaw and a dismissive wave of his hand. "Been there, done that. It's more fun to improvise with the sex."

(So, wait. You're saying that you've engaged in bondage while having sex.)

"Seriously," Logan glares. "What is with the stupid questions? What do _you_ think?"

**.**

Chase nervously laughs, "I don't know what you're talking about."

(Sources say otherwise.)

"Again," he shrugs, looking nervous while raking a hand through his slightly smaller bush of hair. He shrugs while blushing. "I don't know what you're talking about. I mean, what's a dominatrix anyway?"

(We rest our case.)

**.**

"It could be an interesting experience, I guess," he answers with a neutral shrug. "A little unconventional but I'm tolerant of the idea. I'm open to the idea if she is."

(This answer made Rebecca giggle. And she says maybe.)

**.**

"Our Sundays in particular are lazy, and there will be sex involved," Vince then adds cryptically. "Whatever that may be. I'm not with her for just sex and it goes much deeper than that, but yeah, sex will be involved."

**.**

"The wifey's not down with it," Michael says, but looks hopeful. "Yet. Luckily, I'm patient."

**.**

"Honestly, Amanda left to buy new handcuffs because the other ones broke. And I don't mind the black leather lingerie."

(Your sister's blushing for you.)

Dustin laughs loudly, "Well, I'm 22. It was bound to happen, right?" He grimaces slightly. "But I'm slightly traumatized. I mean, Chase is my brother-in-law and my sister – I'm shuddering. They're married, but – " he pauses, holding out a hand to stop himself. "Nah, I'm not going there."

* * *

**7. WHAT'S THE LONGEST YOU'VE GONE WITHOUT SEX?**

"My record was three days," Logan answers, and frowns. "I was sexually frustrated, and apparently so was Quinn because well – " he questions. "Ever see that sex scene in _Mr. & Mrs. Smith_?"

(Yes.)

"It was like that. And the house was wrecked for another three days," a smirk grows on his face. "That was the best sex ever. One of the best. Definitely in my top three."

**.**

"A week for couples therapy," Chase answers. "I have self-control but I think I'll for once agree with Logan. That was painful. But rewarding when the week was up."

**.**

"I can't remember. I mean, I'm not suggesting that Rebecca and I have sex every waking moment, but I don't think there's like ever been a dry spell between us."

**.**

"Not that long. We both travel because of our jobs so we make sure our travel meet up," Michael explains. "Thank God for the art of phone sex. That tides me over."

**.**

"When there's a fight between us," Vince says. "But we nip that in the ass. Quick."

**.**

"Can't remember." Dustin shifts to a comfortable position and offers an explanation. "It'll probably happen because what relationship is without a fight or two? But for now, I can't recall any sex is being hold between me and Amanda."

* * *

**8. HOW'S THE SEX LIFE IN GENERAL?**

"Hello? This is me, we're talking about here. And my wife is _beautiful_. I'm one lucky bastard," Logan gestures to himself with a cocky smirk. "Hell yes, our sex life is **very** much alive and kicking."

**.**

"Uh," Chase searches for a word, and snaps his fingers. "Zoey and I are…diverse."

(So, you DO practice S&M.)

Chase sighs, hiding another oncoming blush because what person actually forgets the safe word.

**.**

James put two thumbs up for good-natured humor and smiles, "I think I speak for my fiancée and I when I say: All systems go."

**.**

"Oh, Lola and I are good," Vince confirms, assuredly. "No problems here."

**.**

"One word: musical," Michael replies with a confident nod. "Just slip in some J Holiday or something old school like Barry White and Marvin Gaye and we're off making music of our own. Can't go wrong there."

**.**

"We're doing pretty great. No limitations there. Just gotta go with it, y'know?" Dustin replies with comfortable nonchalance.

* * *

**A/N: There's another piece for you guys. I'm going to put it in the M section. **

**But good I had fun writing this. I find it easier to write with guys on this subject than girls. Guys are freer. I made it so the questions were asked by an omnipresent thing. Get it. Hope you liked the bracketed commentary. I figured I'd write something that made people laugh since it's been a couple of days of downers. My favourite part was the Choey S&M thing. I laughed. Hard. **

**So I hope you guys liked it. Not bad for something written in the wee hours of the morning. Huh? Tell me which parts you liked, and such. **

**Review. And once again, I'd like to thank my circle of FF Zoey 101 friends for bringing me back. We don't personally know each other but I feel like we do. You're so amazing. Your messages really made me smile today considering how shitty I felt yesterday. You guys are the best and I will PM you individually when I sleep this caffeine off. Ha. **

**Goodnight.**

**-Erika**


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